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3-24-06, 2:52 AM
I was going to the worst
place in the world and I didn't even
know it yet.
Music: Queen - Don't Stop
Me Now
So later today I will depart for
Jupiter, Florida to watch the final
week of Cardinals spring training
games. I'll be gone until Monday,
April 3rd and barring any delays my
flight should be getting in by 8 PM.
I'll try to keep my file server up
while I'm gone, but I wouldn't be
surprised if Blake shuts off my
computer while I'm gone because he's
a child and likes to do that.
Managed to get my hands on the PC
version of the long-awaited Call
of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the
Earth and it's one very creepy
game, even if it does suffer from
not allowing you to save anywhere
and a few annoying stealth sequences
consisting mostly of trial-and-error
gameplay. I love the fact that a
young J. Edgar Hoover is a character
in the game and at one point you
work alongside him.
Also, The Elder Scrolls IV:
Oblivion was released and it
just may be the best thing ever.
See you in April.
-K.
speak bosmer
3-11-06, 2:23 AM
Were you always this
stupid, or did you take lessons?
Thank you for contacting Charter
High-Speed online chat technical
assistance. A support technician
will be with you shortly.
Josh:
Thank you for contacting Charter
Communications, my name is Josh, how
can I be of assistance?
Kyle:
Hello
Josh, I've been experiencing
problems with my internet
connection, it's been down for
several days now.
Josh:
I do
apologize for your inconvenience, I
understand that it must be very
frustrating. What can I do to help?
Kyle:
Since
it's been down I've tried virtually
everything I can think of; I've
replaced the ethernet cables,
removed my router, tried the Windows
repair function, checked the coaxial
cable and have reset modem several
times, but nothing seems to be
working. The Power, Send, and
Receive lights all remain solid
green while the Online light blinks
for roughly two minutes and then
stops. Since I'm without a
connection I'm contacting you from
elsewhere.
Josh:
So you're not actually located near
your cable modem at the moment?
Kyle:
Correct. I am, though, getting some
sort of connectivity because I am
sending and receiving packets, just
not very many and I cannot connect
to anything. I tried contacting your
company over the phone, but was only
led to a line that immediately
disconnected me.
Josh:
If you aren't near your modem there
isn't much help I can offer. I can
only suggest that you contact us
again at home via the phone at
1-800-211-4450. We are open
24/7/365.
Kyle:
Well,
thank you for reading what I just
said so thoroughly.
Kyle:
On an
unrelated note, can I ask how you
came about to have a job in
technical support? Was there any
sort of aptitude test required or do
they just hire whoever can spell
"internet" correctly on an
application? I only ask because I
will most likely be seeking new
employment in the near future and I
don't like working very hard either.
This
session has been terminated. Thank
you for choosing Charter
Communications.
3-11-06, 1:08 AM
I'm all right; it's just a
fur ball; it's nothing. Strangely, I
haven't had fur for a fortnight.
Music: None - KMOX online
(again!)
I've only been awake for about
five hours and it's already been a
pretty bad day. My connection at
home is still down, it doesn't help
that I believe the problem to be on
Charter's end and they don't seem to
be aware of it. I've tried to call
them now, but their ingenious phone
menu led me through several
different choices, eventually
leading up to an option that
supposedly was to allow me ask a
live human being for technical
assistance, but really it was just a
clever disguise to make strange
noises come out of the phone and
then eventually hang up on you.
I also wasn't too happy waking up
because I didn't sleep very well,
mostly the cause of my brother
calling me with an emergency of the
highest order. When I'm home by
myself and I'm sleeping, or trying
to sleep, I don't answer the phone.
If it's important they'll leave a
message and nine times out of ten if
it ends up being for me it's usually
my brother asking me for a favor
which I don't want to do. My brother
doesn't leave messages, his strategy
is to call, hang up when the
answering machine comes on, and
continue calling until someone (i.e.
me) picks up. After about the
sixteenth ring I finally got out of
bed and picked up the phone, already
knowing full well it was him on the
other end. So, what was this urgent,
pressing matter of national security
that Blake so desperately needed my
assistance with?
Blake: Hey Kyle...
What movie came after The Hunt
For Red October?
-K.
the cancer
man can
3-10-06, 2:14 AM
Fundamentally, people are
suckers for the truth. And the truth
is on your side, Bubba.
Music: None - KMOX online
Hey gang, my connection at home is
still down so I’ve decided to come
up to Webster and do this update.
I’m fairly positive the problem
isn’t on my end, but I really don’t
want to have to call Charter.
Anyway, I’ve been up to the
Hi-Pointe twice this week, and I
caught The Three Burials of
Melquiades Estrada and an
advanced screening of Tristram
Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story.
Both very fine films, though the
experience I had waiting to get in
to see the latter was a little
bizarre. I overestimated the rush
hour traffic and ended up arriving
about an hour and a half before the
film started. The lights were off
and they weren’t letting anyone in,
so I waited outside in front of the
theater. Shortly after I started
milling about an 84-year-old Italian
man with a large nose, missing a few
back teeth and a fairly weathered
face, was led out the doors by the
young manager of the theater, being
asked to wait outside until they
were ready to let people in.
Immediately after stepping out he
took notice of me and shambled over.
His name was Joe, and because I
completely forgot his last name,
I’ll just say it was DiMaggio.
Joe DiMaggio: Not a
very nice guy in there, I think I
should go back in there and kick the
shit out of him.
Me: Oh?
Joe DiMaggio: I want
to wait inside, I tell you he can
take these free tickets and shove
them up his ass.
Me: Yeah, I got here
too early, too. I thought traffic
was going to be worse.
Joe DiMaggio: Well, I
live over there on The Hill, where
are you coming from?
Me: Out from South
County.
Joe DiMaggio: You come
all the way out here just to see a
show?
Me: Yeah, well,
nothing better to do.
Joe DiMaggio: Well, I
haven’t been here in almost fifteen
years. They used to have a show by
where I live, but they closed it
down a long time ago.
Me: Yeah, theaters
seem to be struggling these days.
Joe DiMaggio: I don’t
give a shit. (pause) You come alone?
Me: Yeah.
Joe DiMaggio smiles.
Joe DiMaggio: Shame on
you. How old are you, anyway?
Me: Twenty-one.
Joe DiMaggio: Really?
Want to see a picture of me when I
was twenty-two?
Me: Sure.
Joe DiMaggio reaches for his wallet
and produces a picture of a young
man in a military uniform.
Joe DiMaggio: That was
me back in 1942, I got drafted. I
tried to get out of it, told them
that I wasn’t an American citizen. I
wasn’t, I was born in Sicily, and
they let me go for about a week (laughs).
Then they made me get an American
citizenship and took me back, sent
me out to the Pacific for a year and
a half. Didn’t see any Germans while
I was out there (chuckles),
didn’t see too many of those, uh…
The, uh… Who were we fighting over
there?
Me: Japan?
Joe DiMaggio: That’s
right, the Japs. I didn’t have a bad
time over there, didn’t get shot,
either.
Me: I’d say that’s a
plus.
Joe also regaled me with tales of
his CO making him drive a truck full
of dead bodies somewhere, growing up
with Yogi Berra, jumping on to
trains full of coal with his friends
and taking some of it, and generally
just randomly swearing and
reiterating that the manager could
shove the tickets up his ass.
Then the lights came on, they let us
inside and like a firefly into the
night, Joe DiMaggio was out of my
life.
-K.
big boss man
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