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02-27-04, 1:21 AM
After all, being misunderstood is
the fate of all true geniuses is it
not?
Music: The Strokes - When It Started
I know
the site has really taken a turn
away from movies, but it's something
I don't really feel like writing
about anymore, especially now that
I spend even more time at home
playing games. Here's a little bit
of movie update loving in case you
missed it, which none of you
probably even noticed it was gone:
Just in
case the three of you are wondering,
but probably not, I'm not going to
do anything on the Oscars. I've
never really cared for them, it's
always been Hollywood's annual
running of the egos. So don't expect
any in-depth coverage, commentary,
or picks. Fuck it, let's just say
Lord of the Rings: Return of the
King wins for Best Everything
and let it be over.
I am not going to talk about The
Passion of The Christ. I don't
care. I don't care about the message
that's supposed to be there (and
from what I've heard, there's not
one to be found), I don't care about
the experience, I don't care about
the controversy surrounding it
(Except for Mel's dad saying that
Jews are out to take over the world
and the holocaust never happened,
that was classic). I am as far from
a religious person as you're going
to find. Suffice it to say, I'm not going to see it.
Believe it or not, I have better
things to do than to see Jesus
having the shit knocked out of him
and then killed for 2 hours.
Also, The Cooler is probably
the best movie I've seen all year
(I'm still operating by the 2003
handbook), right up there with
The Station Agent and City of
God, none of which are nominated
for Best Picture (In the case of
City of God, it isn't nominated
for Best Foreign Feature). I'm
always right, so that speaks volumes
about the Academy and their shoddy
selection process. I didn't say I
wasn't going to bitch about them.
So, it looks like I'll be taking a
crack at an episode of Seinfeld
for the first assignment, that seems
to be undisputed. The second
assignment isn't so clear, I'm all
for writing an episode of Clerks,
but there's something about being
pressured to write jokes for a grade
that doesn't sit comfortably with
me. Writing an episode of Firefly
intrigued me even though I've never
actually seen anything outside of
the commercials, although the fusion
of science fiction and western isn't
exactly foreign to me I think I'd
have to set aside time to actually
watch some episodes. Though I am
completely open to other
suggestions, no matter how way out
there they might be, even The
Super Mario Bros. Super Show
is a valid entry. I wonder if he'll
accept a script for an episode of
Cop Rock...
-K.
when you ride with Oscar, you ride
with Hitler
02-24-04, 10:02 PM
Sir, do we get to win this time?
Music: New Order - Crystal
Holy
shit, have you people seen this
new Far Cry
trailer? It has
completely demolished Max Payne
in having the most cinematic and
impressive trailer ever. I've gone
on at great lengths on how
incredible the game will be when
finally released, but this should
really, to use one of my father's
favorite phrases, get your sphincter
tingling. This is the kind of thing
I'd love to see at Ronnie's instead
of that goddamned Joe Boxer ad. If
you don't download it then you are a
bad person.
-K.
jumping jesus
in a smoking birch bark canoe
02-24-04, 2:04 PM
Hey Pope, why don't you go build
yourself a new gym at the Vatican.
Music: David Bowie - The Pretty
Things Are Going to Hell
So,
I've just returned from Dave &
Buster's. Should I be concerned that
my legs and arms ache and I spent a
lot of time sweating? Arcades these
days are more like a workout to me,
as utilizing appendages previously
useless in the gaming world becomes
a necessity for many of the new
titles. I sweat while using a rotary
phone so maybe it's just my problem.
The reason I was at Dave & Buster's
is because it was part of a "field
trip" for my Introduction to
Interactive Media class. Now, I love
getting a chance to shoot things,
it's a hobby of mine for which I am
very enthusiastic, but it's even
more delightful when it's
required of me to do so.
Got a chance to play a few games I
hadn't tried before, including
Virtua Cop 3 which has a neat
little foot-pedal addition similar
to Time Crisis but instead of
ducking or hiding behind cover, it
activates a Max Payne-esque
Bullet-Time mode in which you're
given more time to aim or even shoot
enemy bullets out of the air. I
didn't even know House of the
Dead III existed until today,
but it has finally gotten it right
where it has failed so many times:
the firepower. Zombies and other
hideous creations shouldn't be
dispatched with a simple pistol, it
lacks the proper punch, it's a
practical, not to mention stylistic,
error. So I was very happy to see
the main addition of the game was
using a shotgun, a big, fuck-off
shotgun, modeled after the SPAS-12,
with appropriate automatic functions
and pump-action reloading. See,
whether it's a shooting game with
zombies or a domestic dispute,
shotguns make everything
better.
It was required of me to try a
couple certain games, one of which I
can't remember the title of, but it
was a 12-player game, developed by
Sega's famous development studio
Hitmaker (Crazy Taxi,
Virtua Tennis, Virtual On,
Confidential Mission). The
concept centered around breeding and
raising a race horse, training it,
feeding it, and making it compete in
races. I named mine Papa's Moustache
and boy did he suck. I participated
in three races and came
second-to-last all three times. It's
too bad "trip to the glue factory"
wasn't an option after failing.
That's about it, though. I played a
new golf game almost exactly like
Golden Tee except it was made by
Electronic Arts, which is the only
difference I could find between the
two. Oh, and I rock at Silent
Scope EX.
Oh,
yeah, I know that picture isn't
funny or anything, but it's an
illustration from The Gunslinger,
the first book in The Dark Tower
series, Stephen King's
fantasy/western epic which I
recommend all of you check out.
Anyway,
just a reminder, I still want you
all to vote on the fate of my two
Scriptwriting assignments. First
assignment: Should I write an
episode of Cheers or Seinfeld?
Second assignment: What show,
regardless of genre or
contemporariness, should I write an
episode of? Think hard now.
-K.
Come on Papa's Moustache, come on!
02-23-04, 11:13 PM
The first step to being noticed is
being mentioned.
Music: Rob Dougan - Furious Angels
(Clubbed to Death Mix)
Yeah,
figured I'd add that to updates
since I'm not creative enough to
come up with a more unique addition.
I hate people who pronounce film
noir as film "nah-wah." I also hate
people who write TV as TeeVee. Yes,
people really do both of those
things. Just thought I'd let you all
know that.
So, the
next two assignments in my
Scriptwriting class, which will
encompass the entire second half of
the semester, involve writing a
script for either Seinfeld or
Cheers, then the second assignment
will be writing a script for a
series of my own choosing. This can
be any series, regardless if it's
still on the air or not... Any
suggestions?
UPDATE: Also, I don't know
whether I should go with Seinfeld or
Cheers for the first assignment, so
let's have a vote on the tagboard. I
need everyone who comes here to
participate.
-K.
these hands
02-19-04, 12:03 PM
So
I'm not sick? Except for this
terminal disease?
Nothing
really to report, just thought I'd
post some shots from Painkiller
if you're still not too interested
in it.
Shot #1
Shot #2
Shot #3
Shot #4
Shot #5
-K.
I can hear the ocean
02-17-04, 2:16 PM
You know, before they invented the
elevator, I had to walk all the way
from hell.
So I've
been playing the
single-player
demo of Painkiller
that was released yesterday quite a
bit and having a surprising amount
of fun with it. It's one of those
first-person shooters that seems to
be really popular with the kids
today, though it's for those who
just don't think there's enough in
the way of satanism in games today.
It's a very classy mix of arcade gameplay in some archaic settings,
even weapons, including a gun that
fires huge stakes that nails your
enemies up against walls. With that
in mind it should be important to
note the game makes pretty good use
of Havok's physics engine and one of
the most spectacular displays of
creativity with physics is the boss
battle included in the demo, though
you should see that for yourself.
Be warned, though, this game is
hard on anything but the easiest
of difficulty settings. You'll find
yourself in tight, extremely dark
areas while being swarmed by many,
many demons and other hellish
creations, rapidly running out of
ammo, and if you don't keep moving
you'll definitely end up dead. Think
of it as Serious Sam Goes to Hell.
I've
just polished off Metroid: Zero
Mission for the GameBoy Advance
and it really is a neat little
addition to the series. It isn't so
much a remake in the sense of
updated visuals, it's more of a
retelling of the entire story, with
some familiar elements but plenty of
brand new additions. There's a whole
stealth section towards the end
where Samus loses her suit that's
remarkable despite being seemingly
out of place given the series but
overall very refreshing. As an added
bonus for completing the game it
unlocks the original Metroid,
untouched, in all of its 8-bit
glory.
So, I
realize that the site has taken a
heavy turn toward the gaming side of
things but given how I only leave
the house for class now there really
isn't much else I have to talk
about. I'll try to be more
interesting, okay? I'm trying!
-K.
stays soggy even in milk
02-14-04, 12:13 PM
Running a casino is like robbing a
bank with no cops around.
So,
Ryan, the one many of us predicted
would be the first one out, by the
same godless force that allowed 9/11
to occur and did nothing to impede
Hitler's rise to power, came away
the big winner last night. I've
since tracked down his student
schedule and will be waiting outside
to go Tonya Harding on him.
So, I don't know what it is, but
recently every time I leave the
house and hit the road there's
someone riding my ass at all times.
I don't know what it is, people just
seem to enjoy being as close as
possible to the rear of my car,
making me very tense. I couldn't
help but think of you, Pete.
UPDATE: Oh, I
mentioned it last night, but just in
case anyone needs a link to the
Unreal
Tournament 2004
demo there you go. Yummy
down on that, biatches.
-K.
kids love it
02-08-04, 12:08 AM
I
am pissed off to the highest level
of pissivity.
So, I
read on the IMDb earlier tonight
that George Lucas is halting
production of Indiana Jones 4
because he's unhappy with the script
Frank Darabont turned in. This
angers me to no end for a couple of
reasons. I know that the script is
making the rounds over the net
already and although I haven't read
it I cannot trust the judgment of a
hack like George Lucas. Apart from
the Star Wars films, which,
let's face it, wasn't given a second
glance when Best Screenplay
nominations came around, and
American Graffiti, which I
was not impressed with, the man
doesn't have anything notable under
his belt and given his last couple
offerings I think it's clear he has
no concept of what makes a good
story. Frank Darabont, on the other
hand, director and screenwriter of
The Shawshank Redemption and
The Green Mile, quite
possibly two of the greatest films
of our time, is someone whose
ability I believe in. But
overrated, marginally talented
Georgy isn't going to have any of
that.
The man who brought us Jar-Jar Binks
is going to step in and tell Frank
how to write. Christ Almighty, let's
just fucking take him out.
-K.
if you liked the phantom menace you
are a bad person
02-04-04, 8:12 AM
If your
manner of speech is any indication
of the workings of your mind then
it's a wonder you can even tie your
shoes.
I've
pretty much given up on Fallout:
Brotherhood of Steel as I've
gotten wrapped up in other games and
can't be bothered to finish it (My
brother also shanghaied my PS2
controller and let one of his
friends borrow it). My departure
from the title isn't simply due to
my ADD, but the fact it was, as a
stand-alone game, barely scratching
the surface of mediocrity. As an
entry into the Fallout
series, though, it's quite the
travesty. Much of the charm and
style of the series comes from the
50's nuclear theme that encompasses
much of the game world. Fallout:
BOS simply ignores that, opting
for a hard rock style that's
permeated with unnecessary swearing,
dumbed-down characters, and
gratuitous, over-the-top violence.
It's more Mad Max than the
actual franchise it's supposed to be
based on. There are also other silly
little things that are ridiculous,
such as some of the weapons. Only
one of the characters can use dual
weapons, except even though you
could have two Beretta pistols in
your inventory it is only until you
pick up the item named "Dual
Berettas" that you actually get to
use two at once. Also, I stopped
playing around the start of the
third act of the game, when you
reach a secret Vault. From what I've
heard I'm already nearing the end,
but despite the title I have not yet
found any other Brotherhood of Steel
members. The story is virtually
non-existent, you basically wander
around and eradicate everything that
moves. Not that there's anything
wrong with that, but it just doesn't
fit with the series. Anyway, it's
one big pile of Adam Sessler.
The other games that have taken my
attention away (though not a
difficult task) from Fallout,
oddly enough, are Gameboy Advance
games. It really is the platform of
choice for turn-based strategy
enthusiasts like myself, as Fire
Emblem, Final Fantasy Tactics,
and Advance Wars 2 are
all equally addictive and brilliant.
There are a handful of other great
titles that have taken up my time,
Sword of Mana is a great
little action/RPG in the vein of The
Legend of Zelda that's just as
engaging as the classics. Konami's
Ninja Five-O, despite the
ridiculous sounding title, is an
extremely unique platformer where
you play ninja cop, thwarting
criminal plans, and stealth is
actually a factor. As much as I hate
to admit it, I'm finding Mario &
Luigi: Superstar Saga, a Super
Mario RPG, also extremely
entertaining. They all deserve your
attention if you're looking for
something light to relieve boredom,
but in no way do I endorse, say,
downloading an
emulator and then going
out to look for the ROMs (Got a
Usenet connection?).
There's a new
Vietcong
multiplayer demo out,
which is playable stand-alone but it
is really advertising the expansion
pack, that I've been playing quite a
bit. Why we haven't played it at any
of the LAN parties is beyond me, as
it is quite addictive. Even though
it came out first, think of it as
the Vietnam answer to Call of
Duty. It should be on our
must-play list for the next event...
Which if anyone wants to plan one
anytime soon I'd be up for it.
I'm trying to put together an
article on the best bargain bin
games out there for people with Adam
Sessler-y computers, it's only being
delayed by the fact no one is going
to read it.
-K.
bring me the
disco king |
